He Had It Coming
by sky-hime7
Summary: The ladies of Ikebukuro sing about how they've been cheated, abused, and lied to by their men. But sitting idly never worked for them. Based on the "Cell Block Tango", rated T for minor cursing and mentions of murder.


**Hello there~**

**This is my first DRRR! fanfic, which is dedicated to the ladies of Ikebukuro. **

**This was based on Chicago's "Cell Block Tango", which I find to be extremely addicting. It's nice to see some badass ladies for a change. XD**

**The female inmates (in order) are Fem! Shizuo, Saki, Anri, Celty, Mairu, and Erika.**

**Durarara! and Chicago are not mine.**

* * *

"Pop"

_A harsh hiss resounded as the match scraped the box, the flame barely flickering._

"Six~"

_She smiled, but not with her eyes._

"Squish…"

_The thick glasses could not conceal those beautiful scarlet eyes that could only be painted with blood…_

"_No way_"

_The faceless woman gripped her cell phone, looking down at the dusty floor._

"Cicero"

_She beamed angelically, perhaps a little too much._

"Walker"

_She tipped her cap, hiding her face._

The prisoners continued their chant as the broad-shouldered African man emerged from the monochromatic darkness.

"And now, the six merry murderesses of the Tokyo City Jail, in their rendition of…the Cell Block Tango."

The man faded away into the darkness, only leaving behind a stale scent of raw fish and vinegar.

"Pop"

"Six~"

"Squish…"

"_No way"_

"Cicero"

"Walker."

The inmates' voices swelled with agitation, as they clutched the ancient, rusty bars of their cells.

"POP!"  
"Six~"  
"Squish…"

"_No way"_

"Cicero!"  
"Walker."

"POP!"  
"Six~"  
"Squish…"

"_No way"_

"Cicero!"  
"Walker."

They slowly stood up individually in a unanimous protest, anger unbridled in their voices.

_"**He had it coming, he had it coming.**_

_**He had it coming all along…**_

_**If you had been there, if you had seen it-"**_

"I betcha you would have done the same!" snarled the braid-haired girl, her aggressive voice unexpected from someone of such a petite frame.

The first inmate strutted out of her cell, chewing on a smoking cigar, as she took the man in a black fur-trimmed coat by the hand and began to waltz slowly.

"You know how people have these little habits that piss you off?" she spun her partner around, her assiduous eyes never leaving him "Like…Izaya. Izaya liked to chew gum."

She gritted her teeth, bending the burning stick in her mouth.

"No, not chew. Pop….." she muttered, spitting out the last word venomously.

"So I went home this one day, and I'm really irritated and I'm looking for a bit of sympathy…and there's Izaya, lying on the couch, sipping a beer and chewing. No, not chewing…" she released the cigar from her mouth, burying it with her heel into the dusty concrete.

"POPPING!" she snapped.

"So I said to him, I said 'You pop that gum one more time…'" the blonde gave a frustrated sigh, her chest heaving "and he did. So, I took the door off its hinges and smashed it twice….into _his head_."

_"**He had it coming, he had it coming.**_

_**He only had himself to blame…**_

_**If you had been there, if you had had seen it!  
I betcha you would have done the same!"**_

"I met Masaomi Kida from Ikebukuro around two years ago. And he told me he was single and we hit it off right away." The chocolate-haired girl shyly giggled, as her partner, a saffron-haired teenager, gave her an easy grin.

"So we started living together. He'd go to work, he'd come back home. I'd fix him a drink and we had dinner together."

She paused, her warm eyes now angry slits.

"And then I found out…Single, he told me? _Single my ass. _Not only was he married, oh no. He had _six wives_" she raised her voice, stomping on the rough floor.

"Kind of a Mormon, you know?" she added, her voice laced with sarcasm.

"So that night, when he came home, I fixed him a drink. As usual."

She smiled all-too innocently.

"You know, some guys just can't hold their _arsenic_" Her face darkened, as she violently twisted around her partner.

_"**He had it coming! He had it coming!**_

_**He took a flower in its prime…**_

_**And then he used, and he abused it!**_

**_It was a murder but not a crime!"_  
**

The bespectacled girl gracefully strolled onto the center of the prison floor, circling the spiky-haired boy, who nervously watched her.

"Now I'm standing in the kitchen, cooking up _nikujaga_ for dinner, minding my own business" she quietly recalled "In storms Mikado in a jealous rage. 'You've been screwing the Yellow Scarf!' he said. He was insane."

Gradually, the two circled closer and closer to each other, never tearing their eyes away from one another.

"And he kept on screaming 'You've been screwing the Yellow Scarf!'"

A dead silence persisted for two seconds as she slammed her fist on her partner's chest, as if stabbing him with an imaginary knife.

"And then he ran into my blade. He ran into my blade ten times."

_"**If you had been there!  
If you had seen it!  
I betcha you would have done the same!"**_

Tapping on her cell phone, the woman with the cat-eared helmet showed the screen, words ostensible from its fluorescent lime lights.

"_Me. What am I doing here?"_

Her slender fingers smoothly moved across the keyboard, like a piano.

"_It's said that my infamous partner, Izaya, and I collaborated to get rid of Shinra" _her shoulders quivered as a tremor went through her body _"But it's not true. I don't know why Lady Justice convicted me, but the police would never believe someone without a head."_

"Yeah, but did you do it?" another inmate asked sympathetically.

The woman's helmet swayed sideways, like a dog shaking water from his fur, and jabbed furiously at the keyboard.

"_NOT. GUILTY."_

The prisoners' voices softened into a mournful requiem as the girl with twin tails, who seemed to young to be a criminal, pranced out of her cell.

"My sister Kuru-nee and I had this double act. And Aoba travelled with us. Now for the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row" she leapt in the air, as her partner struggled to hold on to her "One, two, three, four, five splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other."

"So this one night before the show, we were down at the hotel Cicero, the three of us drinking, having a few laughs…" she grinned insanely, eyes flashing "And we ran out of ice, so I go out to get some."

"I come back, open the door…and there's Kuru-nee and Aoba doing number seventeen" her voice dropped melodramatically as she fell back, barely supported by her partner "…the Spread Eagle!"

She effortlessly regained her balance, giving a carefree smirk.

"Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out, I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later…when I was washing the blood off my thumbtacks, I even knew they were _dead_."

"They had it coming!" she growled, rousing the prisoners to reply to her call.

"_**They had it coming!"**_

"They had it coming!"

_**"They had it coming!"**_

"They had it coming all along!"

_**"They had it coming all along!"**_

"I didn't do it!"

_**"She didn't do it!"**_

"But if I done it-"

_**"But if she done it-"**_

"How could you tell me that I was wrong?"

"They had it coming!"

"_**They had it coming!"**_

"They had it coming!"

"_**They had it coming!"**_

"They had it coming all along!"

"_**They took a flower in its prime…"**_

"I didn't do it!"

"_**And then they used it!"**_

"But if I done it-"

"_**And they abused it!"**_

"How could you tell me that I was wrong?"

The question lingered in the air, as the last prisoner materialized from the screeching bars, taking the close-eyed man by the hand.

"I loved Walker Yumasaki more than I could possibly say," she mused, leading her partner in a standard series of stomps and spins "He was a real passionate guy, dedicated, an otaku."

"But he was always exploring pop culture. He'd go out every night to experience it, and on the way, he found Chi, Stocking, Madoka, and Lan Mao."

She caught her breath, turning around to face the decrepit cells.

"I guess you could say we broke up because of cultural differences," she said, her lips curling upward into a pained smile "He saw himself as the main lead… but I saw him as a _Mary Sue_."

"_**That dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!**_

_**That dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!**_

_**They had it coming, they had it coming!**_

_**They had it coming all along!**_

'_**Cause if they used us, and they abused us!  
How could you tell us that we were wrong?  
He had it coming, he had it coming!  
He only had himself to blame…if you'd had been there, if you'd had seen it!**_

_**I betcha you would have done the same!"**_

"You pop that gum one more time."

"Single my ass."

"Ten times…"

"_I don't know why Lady Justice convicted me…"_

"Number 17, the Spread Eagle."

"Cultural Differences."

"Pop"

"Six~"

"Squish…"

"_No way"_

"Cicero"

"Walker."

The forbidding metal gates rattled one more as they slammed into the iron locks, only leaving the murky color of darkness in its wake.


End file.
